My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
