I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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