My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
