he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He has the fingertips of a God
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