Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just tell him i said nine months
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
