just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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