I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
