I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
