i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
