i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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