Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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