I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
