how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We're not piercing ourselves today.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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