you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
