I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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