I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
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im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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