She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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