He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's never too late to be topless.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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