No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
