Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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