Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Randomize
