...so i touched it.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
