After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
