Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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