fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
