He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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