girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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