I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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