i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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