Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He passed out mid-signature
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
