I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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