so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
