And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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