it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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