last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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