Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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