I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
