Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
