Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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