just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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