The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Duck Duck Cougar?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
