I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
