every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
