It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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