No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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