Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
