You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
