Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Damn victory sex feels great
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
