why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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