sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
