If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
