The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
