I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize