Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
