One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
