Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
