mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
