I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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