he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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