so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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